The Love in Letting Go

Letting go of someone you love because they need you to can be a powerful act of love.

I used to believe the strength and power of my love lay in never letting go.

My love was constant like the ocean tide.

It’s taken a very long time to understand that letting go of someone because they need you to can be the most tremendous act of love.

Letting go did not come easily to me at first.

It still feels like the hardest thing some days, to relax my grip.

Osho speaks about the need for space in your togetherness. This is real love, a love that sets each other free.

To love with open hands.

When alone, the great desire to share will arise.

See the rhythm: when in love, you would like to be alone; when alone, soon you would like to be in love.

Lovers come close and go away, come close and go away — there is a rhythm.  

Osho

We fall in love with a person’s freedom.

We see them shining in their completeness and it’s irresistible – someone who doesn’t NEED us but who chooses to be with us because they want to be.

Needing someone to stay, chaining them with our expectations or our ideas of what their role in our life needs to be stifles the very thing we fell in love with.

Isn’t it heartbreaking?

For those with anxious hearts, learning to let go and love with open hands is the most excruciating lesson.

Interestingly, it’s often the thing we resist the most that holds the keys to our most profound transformation.

Anxious hearts often have a core wound that says, “I’m scared you’re going to leave me and I need you to constantly reassure me that you won’t. If you don’t meet my constantly increasing demands for reassurance, I’m going to panic.”

Learning to self regulate when we feel this way and to tune into our own needs is the key to releasing this negative pattern.

“You’ve got to learn to leave the table

When love’s no longer being served.”

Nina Simone

In committing to this unwavering self love, we reassure the wounded inner child within us that no matter what happens, we will never self-abandon again.

We will leave the table when love is no longer being served.

We become the pillar of stability and true love that we’ve been seeking all along.

We allow time and space for trust to be built in other, meaningful and reciprocal ways.

By releasing our grip and loving with open hands, we gift our lovers the freedom they need so they can grow and heal in the ways they are being called to, as well.

We maintain our healthy, flexible boundaries and we do this in a way that allows them to show up in the ways that feel organic and natural to them, too.

By letting go when they need us to, we create a space of mutual trust and respect that says,

“I trust you to know what you need and I trust you to choose this relationship with your whole heart if that is what you truly want. If it’s not what you truly want, I want you to be free to realize it and do what is best for you, because I’m not interested in half-hearted commitment.”

Isn’t that powerful?

We create space for them to experience the Holy Yes, the FUCK YES, and come to us with an exuberant heart.

And if it’s not a Holy Yes, we don’t want it.

Because we deserve to receive a Holy Yes, and they do, too.

From this place of freedom, we can dance and grow individually and together.

with airy, spacious love,

Krystle